"Just three months ago, I was poorer than shit. I was giving handjobs for foodstamps down under the State Street Bridge. Now I live on a bitchin'-ass houseboat down under the State Street Bridge. Guess who's getting all the handjobs now? Thanks Big Time Money!"
--Dave Marshall (Not that Dave Marshall. The other Dave Marshall)
"Hi. Good morning. My Name is Jamal Walker Turner. I use to smoke crack-cocaine. I use to have HIV. Now I got full-blown AIDS. Thanks to Big Time Money's 6-level inmestment thing, 32 of my closest friends and family now also got full-blown AIDS. Thank you Big Time Money!"
--Jamal Walker Turner, founder of the Jamal Walker Turner Foundation for Giving Y'Ass AIDS.
"Big Time Money helped me and my wife trade in our good-for-nothing son for a half-dozen hardworking orphans from, uh, somewhere south. Belize? Sure, Belize. Furthermore, with the accumulated dividends, we bought a jacuzzi! Fuck yeah! Thanks Big Time Money."
--The Cholak Family Council for the Improvement of the Cholak Family Council.
"Before my illegal organ harvesting operation took off, I was poorer than that guy up there who used to be poorer than shit. I was trading handjobs for other, less-impressive handjobs. That's no currency! Plus inflation...things were looking bleak. But then my cousin Gus turned me onto Big Time Money (Gus used to sell bathtub meth to the kids down in Kennedy Park. Now he sells bathtub meth to the kids down at Waynefleet) . Using Big Time Money's patented system of multiple false returns, I now buy and sell kidneys in fifteen counties in the Northern New England region. Remember those music videos back in the 80s where some hot chick would roll around naked in a pile of money? Imagine rolling around naked in a heap of illegally traded livers. It's fucking hot! Thanks Big Time Money."
--Andrew Lyman, president and CEO of Edsel/Lepanto Organ Farm Industries
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