We at Big Time Money know that some people are jealous of how awesome we are. That's why we don't discriminate. Anyone can join the Big Time Money family and make big time money using our patented BTM-technology of pyramids and stuff. Yet some people remain jealous of how awesome we are, even after they've joined the family and are, in theory, just as awesome as we are awesome. We here at BTM Industries have a name for such perpetual jealousers. We call them "assholes." Andrew Lyman, CEO and Founder of that Edsel/Lepanto Organ Farm thing, is one of these assholes. What's the deal, Andy? Why you got to play us like that?
To prove our hypothesis, the R&D department here at BTM interviewed Gus "the Gut-Slusher" Lyman, said-asshole's cousin. Gus is the one who introduced Andrew to the BTM family. Now he regrets it. In the words of the Slusher himself, "Man, that dude's a dick."
See?
Furthermore, we're pretty sure Andrew Lyman's wife is a beard to cover up his latent heterosensuality. Give it up, Mr. Lyman. Face what you are. And make a profit while you're at it!
With our warmest regards this holiday season,
Big Time Money (dictated but not read)
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